Time and Events

Wow -I cant believe it has been over a year since I have written!  Life got busy and even harder after my last entry.  Then it got slower and easier and filled with blessings and Gods grace.  Then we found out we were having another baby (#5!) and things got hard again with me being sick 24/7 for 5+ months.  Now life is about to settle into another season with school starting back up and the new baby arriving in about a month. 

One thing I know for sure and can state with complete confidence... 

God is always faithful.

After walking through an incredibly hard season in my life and now having the benefit of hindsight, it is clear to see that HE never faltered or failed.  The only time He felt far away was when I was far from Him. 

Seasons come and seasons change.  Life is full of "seasons" -some good some bad; some easy some hard.  Always, through every one, follow Him.  He will never fail you.

Be back soon...  ("soon" being relative!)

He is enough.

It has been a very busy few weeks (month) around our house and it has not allowed me much time for writing.  My silence is certainly not for a lack of learning by any stretch!  In fact, the truth is quite the opposite.  (I am still waiting to find a nice digital voice recorder that I can bring into the shower with me -the only place I seem to have time to organize out my thoughts lately!) 

My husband and I continue to walk through a very difficult season and my children continue to, well, be children.  There has not been a moment for me to just "be" and I confess that at times, I have been frustrated at that.  Part of me longs to just sit and do nothing for a whole day.  No cooking, cleaning, teaching, disciplining, respecting, obeying, ,correcting, changing...  But when I really think about how that would be, I find one word comes to mind:  unfulfilled.  Yes, I would probably enjoy it for a few hours -maybe even most of the day.  When the sun sets, however, and I looked back on that day, I know that it would feel very empty without the "busyness" of my life. 

Another thing I am learning continuing to learn in this season is that God. Is. Enough.  Just when I dont think I can take any more and I am ready to stand on a mountaintop and scream to the world all my problems, He covers me in grace and strengthens my resolve to go on. 

I confess that I dont understand a lot of what we are walking through right now.  There are so many questions I have and I know that others would have the answer.  Why cant I just ask them?  Why cant I be counseled by someone?  Why wont You let me confide in someone what we are going through?  Every time I have approached someone about counseling me through this, God places a clear "no" in my path and reminds me that He is enough. 

So, I continue to walk with Him alone.

And He IS enough. 

♥

Being a Humble Servant

The alarm was set with a few minutes to spare in case things didnt go as planned.  What I didnt plan on was having to get everyone ready all.by.myself.

Thankfully I had gotten all our bags and things we needed to bring ready the night before.  It was just the people (all 6 of us) that needed to be up, dressed and out the door at 6:15am.  We ended up about 15 minutes late and I was frustrated but not too upset -it happens and I did my best to be on time all things considered. 

Then it happens.  On the drive, I mentioned that hopefully light traffic so early in the morning will help and we wont be too late.  His response was, "Its not my fault we are late."  It wasnt even as much what he did say as it was what he didnt.

I recoiled, turned and looked out the window while I stewed.

If it wasnt his fault then whose was it?  Mine!? 
Was I the one that kept sleeping past the alarm?  No. 
Did I wait until 10 minutes before we needed to leave to get up? No.
Was he the one that had stayed up late the night before to get as much ready as possible? No.

So if it wasnt my his fault and it certainly wasnt my fault, whose was it??

Then something happened.  My eyes could see for a moment what my heart knew...

My husband is up early every day and works hard from 8 to 4 (usually later) and then works around our house most nights.  His job is demanding and stressful.  He provides for our family and protects us.  He is good at all the jobs God has called him to fill.  So why did I expect him to get up earlier just to help me do mine?

Selfishness and probably even a little pride.

See, I never told him I wanted, needed or planned on his help.  He had watched me making lists and planning out all that needed to be done that morning and not once did I say, "would you do...".  So how can I be upset with him for not helping?  Not stepping in to what I so carefully planned.  He is no mind reader any more than I am. 

"Sitting down, He called the twelve and said to them, "If anyone wants to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all."  Mark 9:35

We are all called to be servants.  Well, if we want Gods best we will be anyway.  Jesus was the greatest example of this.  "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many." Mark 10:45  He did deserve to be waited on, served, and yet he would not even allow it when the tried to serve him.  (John 13:5+)  He was the King of Kings and yet the Servant of servants. 

Then comes the pride part. 

"for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted."  Luke 18:14

Being a servant and doing it all with no help -not expecting help- is humbling.  Even harder?  Being a humble servant with a godly heart.  To be joyful in serving and putting all others and their needs ahead of our own. 

"do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus"  Philippians 2:4

Sometimes our words and our actions are right -we are servants and we appear humble- and yet our hearts are way off.  We are not cheerful or joyful but playing the martyr.  "Look at how hard I have it."  or  "Look at me and all that I sacrifice for my family." 

I dont want to do it all so that I will be praised for what I do.  I want to do what I am called to do so that others can see Christ in me.  And I want everything I do to be completed with excellence as if for God Himself and not man/woman/child.  In reality that is the case anyway.

"Whoever speaks, is to do so as one who is speaking the utterances of God ; whoever serves is to do so as one who is serving by the strength which God supplies ; so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen."  1 Peter 4:11

♥

Currently

I am currently walking through a season in my life where I am being refined, tested and tried in so many different areas.  As it all started, I really didnt think it would be a long season -whoa! was I wrong! 

This journey in discovering Gods created purpose for women -for me- I am realizing more and more how every aspect of our lives is affected by this relationship with Him.  Even more importantly is that I am realizing more and more that He cares intimately about every aspect of my life and it is that intimacy that brings my relationship with Him to a whole new level. 

Currently I am:
Learning how to mother a pre-teen.
Growing as a mother of 4 (vs 3 -it really is different!).
Practicing the hard "art" of submission to my Husband and Gods Word.
Being convicted about time management but not sure how to move forward.
Learning how to deal with anger in a Godly way. 
Trying to finish a school year for the pre-teen. 
Incredibly burdened for the lost in my life. 
Nursing a broken heart for a friend who is suffering greatly. 

There are so many "little" areas in my life where God is working.  Some of them are big in and of themselves but mostly it is just the overwhelming picture of all of it at once that gets to me some days.  I am also learning that -just as I tell my kids- we need to take it step-by-step and moment-by-moment.  Focus on one thing at a time and do that one thing with excellence.  Then move on to the next thing and do that one thing with excellence.  Gods grace will cover all the rest. 

♥

Looking back

It is easy to get discouraged in life. 

So many mountains to conquer. 
So many trials to endure.
So many things to learn and grow in.

Even in the midst of joyful times, it can be overwhelming when we think that every moment we are to be learning and growing closer to and more like the Lord. 

A new baby brings joy and challenge.
A new marriage brings joy and challenge.
A new friendship brings joy and challenge. 

It is easy to feel like we are never going to get it.  We are never going to change.  We are never going to learn.  And yet, we do. 

I just spend a bit of time looking through a journal from several years ago.  It started because I was looking for something -a small detail- and in order to find it, I had to wade through many entries from that season of my life.  It was a good season -one full of life and joy. 

As I read, I noticed two things...
1.  Even in the midst of the good of that season, there was hard times and areas where I was struggling.  It was a financially hard time as well as emotionally. 
2.  I really have changed!  Good changes.  Growth changes.  Maturing changes.

Its true.  Things I used to struggle with (attitudes, actions, emotions) have been replaced with new struggles.  Some I have overcome, some I have simply avoided.  Many that I still struggle with daily.  Interestingly, there are also things I used to delight in that I dont nearly as much anymore.  The key is remaining on that uphill incline -always moving onward and upward. 

Being able to look back and see where I was compared to where I am now is a blessing and a source of encouragement to me today.


♥

Ebb and Flow

Have you ever noticed that the normal, everyday events of life can easily lead to a complacency or even a "laziness" about our relationship with the Lord?

Yeah, that is one of the reasons we encounter trials and tribulations as it strengthens and even increases our Faith.  Remember this post in James?

I have recently noticed that it isn't just the hard times though.  When I am rejoicing over events in my life, I do so loudly to the Lord.  I praise Him and I thank Him.  I talk with Him a lot in those times as well.

The "middle ground" is where I have noticed that I seem to almost neglect Him.

You know...  The seasons when the kids aren't overly disobedient or super obedient; your husband is mostly loving and easier to respect; the bills are being paid and there is still enough money for some food -just not your favorites; schedules are manageable though maybe not as full (or empty) as you would really like.  Things aren't spectacular but they aren't terrible either.

Those are the ones that I notice days can go by that I don't spend a great deal of time talking with Him.  Yes, I still read, pray and have a quiet time but not the same as during the seasons of "hills" and "valleys" in my life. Not like the days when I feel I cant even breathe without His help.  And not like the days when I am so joyful that I am bubbling over with gratitude to Him.

Maybe its me.  Maybe I am just so extreme during the super-good and the super-bad that I use these in between seasons as a breather of sorts before the pendulum swings the other way.

Or maybe I need to even out my focus just a bit.  Maybe just enough to remember that He cares about the "middle ground" in my life as well.

After all, He makes the sun rise for me every morning and the moon to take its place at night.  And He does it every day -not just the good ones or the bad ones.  He is intimately interested in every moment of my life -and yours.

♥

Childfree -the choice

I was browsing Facebook groups -actually trying to find out where our group was listed- when I happened upon this group:

I'm not childless, I'm Childfree and lovin' it!

My curiosity got the better of me and I visited their page to read and see what they were all about. Here is their info section:

This is a group for men and women that have decided not to have children…it’s called childfree and not childless (that’s people that want kids but cannot for medical reasons). The childfree movement is non political and non religious…it’s such a bunch of people that have chosen a childfree lifestyle. The creator of this group, Natalija Harbinson, is not a man hater! In fact I love men which is why I’m not married….I’m a procrastinator….. Do I want the blonde guy or the arty guy or the nerdy scientist this week? It’s not a man hating or woman hating group…or anti-marriage… or anti-commitment….in fact, my aunt has been married for over 30 years but they didn’t want to have children. I don’t hate kids…I am an aunt to two little girls. It’s just that I want to enjoy my life in a different way. I realise that children would only stress me out, make me irritable and less responsive to the man in my life. I also don’t want to push a watermelon out of my punani and I have a billion other reasons to not want to be a mother. So let’s celebrate contraception and the choice me have made! Long live the childfree lifestyle! I’m just glad we live in an era where this lifestyle is possible, even though it’s still not accepted as the norm…..


Common things we hear from people with kids:
- It’s a blessing from God! (God’s only son was killed and Jesus didn’t have children)
- You are selfish!
- Don’t you like kids?
- You’ll feel differently when you have your own kids
- Who will take care of you when you’re old?
- You’ll change your mind!
- You’ll never experience the joy of being a grandparent
- (From my parents): “What if we had made the same choice? You wouldn’t be here”

What the childfree want to tell parents:
- Think of all the kids in our country that need to be adopted and are stuck in children’s homes; why didn’t you adopt rather than procreate?
- There are millions of starving kids in the world already ; why add more?
- I like to make love, not babies
- It’s a lifestyle choice like those that follow an eco-friendly way of life.
- It’s my choice, it’s nothing personal to children or parents. Let us be!
- Why force someone who doesn’t want to dance the Tango, to dance the Tango? I know what I want and don’t want out of life. Why make me miserable?


Once I got passed the shock that anyone would feel that way.  (Yes, I realize that is a selfish viewpoint), I started to wonder why anyone would feel that way?  There were several "responses" that I would have said to someone I was discussing this with.  "They are blessings..."; "You'll change your mind."; "Dont you like kids?"... 


But I realized that every one of my responses and their retorts back are like band-aids to the real issue at hand.  Its like focusing on the grass stains on your jeans and completely overlooking the fact that they are torn and tattered beyond repair.  The whole outlook is off.  


So what is the real issue?  


Woman was created by God to be a mother.  To be a nurturer.  We most often think of this as bearing our own children but it can be -and is- much more.  


Yes, our very bodies speak to this face.  We have cycles which enable us to become fertile and conceive.  We have a womb in which a baby is knit together and grows into a completely unique individual from only two cells. (Will leave that awesome rabbit trail for another day!)  We have breasts with which to nourish babies and our bodies create the most perfect of food for them -without our doing anything.  Even the fact that our arms are where they are and bend where they do show Gods perfect design.  


What about those who are unable to bear children?  What about those who never marry?  How are they called to be "mothers"?  


It is by design.  It is one of Womans created purposes.  To be mothers.  To be nurturers.  


Some women will bear their own.
Some women will adopt.
Some women will nurture others via school, daycare, etc.
Some women will nurture other women.
Some women will nurture our elderly.  


If are striving to live by Gods design, one of the natural roles we as Gods woman will fill is a nurturer.   That is part of Gods best for our lives.  That is His plan for all women.  


So someone choosing a "childfree" life is not choosing Gods plan.  They are not choosing Gods will.  But what is sad to me, is when you think of the fact that by choosing to remain "childfree", they are not choosing Gods best for their lives.  They are missing out!  They will always be searching for something to fill that void in their lives -the one thing that will create true fulfillment and contentment in their lives.  


Choosing a "childfree" life is not choosing Gods best.  Why would anyone choose It truly breaks my heart...


Psalm 127

• 1.
 
• Unless the LORD builds the house, They labor in vain who build it; Unless the LORD guards the city, The watchman keepsawake in vain.

• 2.
 
• It is vain for you to rise up early, To retire late, To eat the bread of painful labors ; For He gives to His beloved even in his sleep.

• 3.
 
• Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward.

• 4.
 
• Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one's youth.

• 5.
 
• How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed When they speak with their enemies in the gate.

Psalm 128

• 1.
 
• How blessed is everyone who fears the LORD, Who walks in His ways.

• 2.
 
• When you shall eat of the fruit of your hands, You will be happy and it will be well with you.

• 3.
 
• Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine Within your house, Your children like olive plants Around your table.

• 4.
 
• Behold, for thus shall the man be blessed Who fears the LORD.

• 5.
 
• The LORD bless you from Zion, And may you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life.

• 6.
 
• Indeed, may you see your children's children. Peace be upon Israel !

   

♥