Do I love my childen enough...

"Teaching the younger women to... Love their children..." Titus 2:4

It almost seems silly to think that we need to be trained and taught to love our children.  Doesnt that come naturally?  Isnt it instinct?  How can you teach someone to love someone else anyway?

As women, we were created to nurture -whether we bear children or not, that is part of our created purpose.  So the desire and even the ability to be nurturers is within each woman.  The understanding of how to "love their children" is something else altogether.  It isnt just a matter of "warm fuzzies" and showing affection all the time.  If we truly love our children, we want the best for them and that sometimes involves training and discipline that doesnt always feel so good. 

This one entry will not begin to discuss all the aspects that are involved with training and disciplining our children but something happened today that made me stop and think... 

Do I love my children enough to drop everything and attend to them?

We have been dealing with attitudes and the way we react to situations that upset us the past few days.  With 4 children between 4mos and almost-12 years, there is a wide range of understanding and expectations in that regard but the biggest issues have been whining and screaming.  (Did I mention that one is a 2 year old "all boy"?!  It was time for "boot camp" and a refresher for the older ones.)  The past several mornings our devotion and Bible time has included a reminder of the expectations as well as the consequences should the choose to disobey.  This morning was no different in that regards.  The difference was that we had to be out the door for an appointment and the house was hectic. 

As I was in the bathroom, head over the tub washing my hair, I hear the 2 year old running down the hall towards my (locked) bedroom door -screaming all the way.  My thoughts were as follows (and pretty much in this order)...
I dont have time to deal with this.
He's not bleeding and nothing is broken I am sure.
But I just put the shampoo in my hair!
Just this one time I'll pretend I dont hear him.
Maybe (the oldest) will deal with him. 
Yeah, I know its my job but...
(Then I "heard": Do you love him enough?)
Ok...  Im going...

I grabbed the towel and wrapped my still-shampoo-covered hair in it and went to my son.  He needed my correction and discipline.  I didnt want to stop washing my hair and I didnt want to make us even later that we already were but I had to address his needs first.  And training and discipline is indeed a need for our children. 

Do you love your children enough to drop everything to address their need for correction and discipline?  Their very souls depend on it. 


A few very inexpensive books on child training that I recommend:

    

Also:

 

Comparisons

I am a "comparer" (is that even a word?).  All my life I have looked to others as examples of how I am to live my life.  In my younger years, my comparing looked a lot more like following as I stuggled to keep my equilibrium between doing the things I knew I should be and those that everyone else was doing.  I fell and rebelled a lot in my teens.  

As I have grown, my following turned more to true comparing and learning by example.  I watch godly women who seem to have it all together -at least most of the time -but also arent afraid to be real and show us (me) how they work through the hard times.  Now many of those women are my friends and I am not only able to learn by their example (good and bad) but also to encourage and be encouraged by them. 

Something that helped me a lot was keeping this in mind:

Dont compare yourself to other people -especially women.  Compare yourself only to Gods Word.  That is the only Truth to follow. 

It will still seem hard when you look at the beautiful pictures we are given of Godly women in scripture but we will also see those who fell.  And we can learn just as much from those who did not live righteous lives as we can from those that did.  In fact, I can think of only one example of a woman who did seem to have it all together in scripture -Mary.  And yet she was human and therefore was not immune to sin either. 

So when we see other women who seem to never struggle with anything and their lives are in such perfect order, beware.  The fascade of perfection is just that -a fascade.  Dont try to be like "them".  Strive, rather, to be more like Him and what He has called us to be.

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Titus 2:3-5

3.Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good,

4.so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,

5.to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.

Read the whole chapter here.
 
There is so much packed into those few verses.  I desperately want my life to exemplify this woman. Not because I want to be some perfect woman but because I want God to use my life and bring glory to Himself through me.  I dont want people to see me but to see Him in and through me. 
 
I confess, there are some days when it seems impossible.  I just cant do it.  Think about it, every moment she is to be all of these things: 
Reverent in their behaviour:  worshipful, solemn -A state of constant worship in my busy life?
Not gossips: Including listening to someone share gossip with me.
Not enslaved to wine: With a boss who offers a glass at every encounter and is offended by "no thanks".
Teaching what is good: Still need to learn what that one even means??
Encourage others:  My own burdens seem so heavy sometimes.
Love my husband: He isnt always easy to love!
Love my children: Somedays..........
Be sensible: showing good sense, reasonable, practical -Ha! Sometimes, maybe, but always?
Be pure: In my thoughts too, Lord?
Be a worker at home:  What about the days I just want to be lazy?
Be kind:  Even when it hurts?
Subject to my husband:  Oh yeah, then theres that one... 
 
And if I dont, then Gods Word is dishonored.  If I am a Christian, those who are searching for Him will look to me as an example.  Such a heavy burden to handle all on my own!
 
Thats when I am reminded that I dont have to.  Its true, I cant do it on my own.  In my fallen, human nature, I wouldnt even want to.  But He doesnt ask me to do it alone.   He gives me all I need.  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phil 4:13
 
It is then that I see the beauty in the Titus 2 woman.  She emulates true beauty by her very presence.  Not because of what she has done or looks like on the outside.  Rather, because she simply lets God work through her.  The Titus 2 woman isnt an ordinary woman... she is Gods woman. 
 
I want to be that woman. 
 
 

It Really Is About Me

There is a recurrent theme around our house lately.  The frustrating interesting part is the way my own words of instruction, correction and reproof to my children keep coming back to me!

"She made me do it"

"Its not my fault"

"If he didnt {fill-in-the-blank} then I wouldnt have..."

"If he..."

"If she..."

If brother hadnt taken her toy away, she wouldnt have thrown a fit.  If sister had helped him clean the kitchen, he wouldnt still be working on it an hour later.  It seems as though they naturally push the reason for their disobedience or bad attitudes onto someone else. 

Oh wait... They do come by it naturally:
11.And He said, "Who told you that you were naked ? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat ?"
12.The man said, "The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate."
13.Then the LORD God said to the woman, "What is this you have done ?" And the woman said, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate."
(Genesis 3:11-13)
 
Adam, as the head of the family, was asked first about his sin and he quickly passed it off as Eve's fault: "the woman...gave it to me"; but also as Gods fault(!) "the woman whom You gave me...".  Then Eve quickly pushed the reason for her deception off onto the serpent: "The serpent deceived me...".  Neither one of them was willing to stand before God and say, "Yes, I did it." 
 
Our children do the same thing -by nature. So what do we do?  How do we, as the woman God has called us to be, correct and train them?
 

"You are not responsible for anyone but yourself.  You cant control what other people do or say but you can control the way you respond and react."  ~Me!

 
I have said those words so many times to my children in the last few weeks that I now make it as far as the first few words before they finish it for me.  The thing is... now I am hearing those words in my head when I am reacting to others!  It is much easier to correct them than it is to correct ourselves, isnt it?
 
The Truth is the same for us as it is for them.  I am to obey God regardless of whether or not others are.  We start teaching this lesson to our children with "Honor your father and mother..."  (Deut 5:16) when they are tiny and gradually introduce the concepts of "loving others as yourself", "doing unto others" and the Fruit Of The Spirit.  But they all come down to one simple command:  "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind."  Mark 12:30

If you love God, you will obey Him.  Period.

No where does He tell us that we must obey Him only if the other party involved is obeying Him too.  Its not ok to dishonor our parents just because they do something wrong.  Its not ok to neglect teaching and training our children because they are being difficult.  Its not ok to dishonor our husband because he said or did something that hurt us.  Our command for obedience is not conditional.

It doesnt matter how much my children test and try me -I am to be patient and kind. 
It doesnt matter that I was treated with disrespect -I am to have self-control. 
It doesnt matter if I disagree with someone -I am to act in peace.
It doesnt matter how my husband has treated me -I am to love, honor, respect and obey him. 

If I am truly walking in obedience to the Lord, I will obey Him regardless of all other things.  By obeying Him, I am loving Him. 

You see, I dont obey because the other person deserves it but because I love God and in order to truly love God, I will obey Him.  And He does deserve my love and obedience!

When my children test and try me, I am patient with them because God commands it, not because they deserve it.
When I am disrespected I keep my self-control because God commands it, not because the other person deserves it.
When my husband treats me unkindly I love, honor, respect and obey him because God commands it, not because he deserves it.

In order to love God, I must love others.  In turn, God loves others through me. 

And lest you think it sounds easy, it is not.  However, God equips us with all we need if we will only choose to follow Him.  He will also never ask us to face something we are unable to endure and will always provide what we need.  (1 Cor 10:13)

So, you see, sometimes it really is all about me.  Its all about the way I choose to respond.  Will I choose Gods way or my own?  I want to always choose Gods way and I know that He will always help me.